


Want

by EnEss_Caity



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Octane top surgery scars mention, Some dry humping, Touch-Starved Crypto | Park Tae Joon, casual hookup, mainly handsy stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 22:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnEss_Caity/pseuds/EnEss_Caity
Summary: Crypto is touch starved, but can his "always on the lookout" psyche handle intimacy anymore?
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Octane | Octavio Silva
Kudos: 18





	Want

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey!! this can possibly read as Crypto being touch-averse and using immersion therapy to get through - that is not my intent but if that feels uncomfortable please take care and don't read on!
> 
> everything in <> means Crypto is speaking Korean.

He stared in the mirror and saw how pale he looked. He breathed out a shaky sigh. He steeled himself and let out a small grunt. Just now, in his own living room was his fellow Legend, waiting for him to return from suddenly excusing himself. 

All starting from when he stupidly sat Octane down on his stupid couch, and reached over with his stupid hand and half pulled him in to his stupid lap. Tae Joon thought his breathing was the  _ normal _ amount of shallow when one was ’making his move’. He thought, no, no you  _ should _ recoil when the other very-willing-person pins your shoulders back against the couch. He thought this was a  _ healthy _ flashback to a fight-gone-sour with a bunch of Syndicate goons. He pushed Octane off to the side and scrambled to the bathroom without a word. 

No matter how much he’d been consumed with the thought of letting Octavio Silva into his home, his securities, his bed… when the moment came, Tae Joon froze. He froze so thoroughly that he resorted to staring at his reflection alone, begging his heart to slow and his nerves to break. He wanted so desperately to enjoy the heat he felt from that runner. But his body tried to pull the plug. He could maybe fix this. With some help. 

Standing up straight, Tae Joon slowly walked out of the bathroom and back to his very confused guest. 

“Ay, compadre, thought you fell in!” Octane… Octavio’s voice sounded unsure but his half-masked face didn’t really let anything show. 

Tae Joon slowly shook his head at the runner, “I’m sorry I just- I don’t…” 

“Been a while since you… Since, uh… ” Octavio laughed and darted his eyes away. Yeah, he was definitely nervous. Why? It was only Crypto… “L-listen man, I don’t wanna like pressure you or like-“ 

“No <<I want this. I want you!>>” Tae Joon's panic leapt forward with a strange amount of volume.

“Haha, I’m only trilingual, amigo. Run that by me one more time?” Octavio tensed under that outburst, was he not alright with shouting? 

“I said I… I’m sorry for leaving suddenly.” Tae Joon's steps back were easy, he returned to his previous place on the couch next to the man. He eyed him cautiously, “I want to keep going.” He only just then realized how tightly his fists were clenching. 

“I don’t know. You don’t seem so on board, Kim…” Octavio, to his credit, tried to shift away and give space. 

“No! No. This is just psychosomatic, it’s only mental. I want this. I just need to get used to it, to  _ someone _ else. I need help. I need… y-you. <<Please>>. Please…” Begging was unexpected but apparently the exact right thing for Octavio. When he looked back at him, those soft green eyes were warm and creased with a smile. 

“Say it like that, Kim, and you’ll get anything you want.” He shifted to face him on the couch and Tae Joon’s heart rate already picked up. “I can help. I don’t really do slow, but I can try. I learned to walk twice! And the first time I was just a dumb baby!” Tae laughed with a short snort.

He held his hand up, palm facing the hacker. “Just put me where you wanna start, compadre.”

Tae frowned to himself, shaking his head, “<<No good.>> have to try to give up control, Octavio.” He gulped and blinked hard making sure his next words were chosen carefully “Wherever you want to begin, I’m ready.” 

It took awhile but Octavio finally un-froze and moved his palm. He put it on Tae’s thigh, not too high, but not too low. Perfect. 

“Bueno?” 

“<<Yeah>>”

“I think I could do this more better if you didn’t have that look on your face, Kim.” Octavio snickered and the hacker looked up to him. He felt how far up his brows were pulled, and how pink his cheeks were and how- ugh- sweaty he was. 

“I’m trying. I’m trying…”

“No, I know. I meant It’s cute.” Octavio laughed again, “sorta makes me wanna not be a gentleman and hurry this up.” Then Tae felt a small pat on his leg, “I won’t, but it makes me feel like it.” 

The pink turned to red, Tae felt hot under the runners gaze. He shut his eyes instead. “Let’s keep going.” 

“Yup.” Was all he answered with. His hand sort of wavered on where to go next. But this next one was simple: to his clenched fist. He relaxed his grip and felt Octavio slowly stroking and feeling the synthetic skin on his last two digits. 

“Was always curious…” Octavio muttered, “feels softer than I thought it would.” 

“It’s flexible carbon fiber, and silicone.” He explained even though Octavio probably didn’t care much beyond touch. 

“Cool. They tried to give me carbon fiber legs but it was so light it made me fall over, I kept failing my PT appointments.” 

“You can… fail Physical Therapy?” 

“If Che is my doc I can fail anything, amigo.” He chuckled at himself then, and Tae Joon wondered what those two were like behind closed doors. Constantly bickering but never apart. 

Octavio’s hand slid up Tae Joon’s arm, his fingers traced the whole way up and even though they were separated by a sleeve, the tingle of static made him shiver all over.

“Still good?”

“Yeah.” 

“Hyeon?” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to… touch me back?” 

His only answer to that was a handful of Octavio’s shirt being displaced so TaeJoon could place a hand on those tanned hips. It was sudden, but Octavio was pleased , even letting out a sigh. “Don’t miss a beat do you, Kim” 

“<<I’ve wanted to do this for a long time>>” His hand flexed, hopefully he wouldn't be asked to translate, it would embarrass him too much.

“Can’t keep your hands off the goods, eh?” Octavio cocked his head back, “ _ Mira _ , how am I supposed to behave when you don’t have to?” 

“Try another place.” TaeJoons eyes flitted away he felt both of Octavio’s hands on his biceps, massaging lightly. That too made him shudder, “H-hmmmmm”

“That a good or a bad ’hmmm’?”

“Keep going.” He said … but

Octane took his hands away entirely, TaeJoon scanned his face looking terrified. 

“You said you wanted less control, Kim. ‘Keep going’ sounds like  _ you _ want to be in charge. But guess who’s in charge?”

“...“

“ Si. Me.” Octavio nodded triumphantly and pointed to the section of empty couch cushion behind Tae Joon, lifting his eyebrows expectedly. 

Tae Joon slowly unfolded his body, laying his back flat on the cushion behind, allowing his unknown tensions pulse away. His heart was fast and his blush was evident. He was nervous to let Octavio have the reins but not regretting it. At all.

Octavio slowly tugged the edges of Tae Joon’s shirt “I want you to take his off. Or I can do it, but I think it might be too much for you  _ compadre _ .”

“I’ll be okay.” He said after thinking for a moment. 

“Whatever you say, Kim.” Octavio’s devilish smile came through the mask at that. He pushed the hem up up and up. Until the hacker needed to move to allow the shirt to be removed. While he shifted, Octavio’s hands traced the hard lean muscle of his torso. A line directly down the center of his abs, then he felt a thumb brushing over the old tattoo on his stomach. Oh god. He felt a throbbing going south, and hopefully Octavio didn’t notice. Or maybe he’d hoped he did. It was too hard to focus with his sleeves trapping the shirt over his eyes. 

Once he had his sight back, Octavio looked him full in the face, with his eyebrows pulled up in the center, Tae had trouble placing that look. 

“You’re so hot?” He said quietly.

“<<be quiet>>...” Tae Joon 

Octavio climbed forward and placed his knees on either side of Tae’s waist, then he settled his hips to sit on his lap. Oh god, there’s no hiding his excitement now. Though Octavio was a very gracious man apparently, and mentioned nothing at all. 

Octavio piped up after a second, “Still all good, Hyeon?” 

“Yes.”

“Cool.” He picked up the edges of his own shirt and pulled it off in one swift motion. Magnetically one of Tae's hands was drawn to the prominent rib cage , he stroked the skin there with a delicate finger. And he stared at the runner: noting his warm hazel eyes melting him, his tan lines from the cropped vest he wore in the ring, and the thin pinkish scars under his pecs. Tae found it impossible to look away. 

When Octavio leaned over him to place his hand on his heart, Tae finally regained control of his eyes, looking up and away towards the ceiling. 

“Amigo, I want you to - WOAH.” He interrupted himself “Bro your heart! Are you okay?” 

“I’m f-fine. Why? What? Why?”

“You nervous? Wanna stop?” 

“Octavio. No.” Tae Joon’s voice became a whisper, “I don’t want to stop. I want to keep going! I want to be okay-“ he rambled

“Just tell me what to do, already! If I guess, it’ll be all wrong and- and you’ll leave!!” 

“Tavi, no <<never>... I just...” he mashed his eyes with the heels of his hands “Octavio…” he begged himself not to spill everything and tell the man everything. How could he risk himself like that. All to get someone to like him… to like him back….

“Just give me a hint man. Why are you so nervous? Is it me? Do I freak you out??” 

“No!” A hint? He could work with that. “Listen to me. The only times other people have touched me in years is if they‘re attacking me.” Tae Joon reached up, only meaning to touch the runner lightly, only to have his hand wrap around his sides - involuntarily he grasped him closer “I know you won’t hurt me. I can’t break through but I know you won’t hurt me.” His eyes were clenched shut and he just felt so small and secluded. What was he doing here, begging for comfort? On the brink of telling his secret? 

Just for the chance of his friend becoming something more

“Keep your eyes closed.” Octavio’s voice was quiet in his ear. He listened. 

He felt something, a thick sturdy fabric something fall on his chest. A mask. Octane's mask. Oh.. and he felt some chapped but warm lips on a bruise he’d been nursing for days. He was… kissing it better. 

“<<You don’t have to do that >>”

“Yo también puedo hablar un idioma diferente.” Octavio said with slight annoyance.

“Wh-What?” Tae Joon threw an arm over his eye to keep his promise from earlier. 

“I’m not cool with how you keep saying things I can’t understand.” Octavio’s mouth was dangerously close to Tae Joon’s “Makes me think I’m fucking up.” 

“You’re not!” He rushed to assure him, but in raising his voice he felt the runner tense above him. “I’m sorry Octavio.” He didn’t know what else to do but squeeze his waist reassuringly. Octavio was a lot more damaged than he thought… and... It was horrible, and awful but he was happy not to be the most broken thing in the room at the moment. He took a deep breath, and said softly, “all I said was… you don’t have to kiss my bruises better” Tae Joon giggled at the last words from awkwardness.

“Si I don’t  _ have _ to do anything, but I want to. You said you get your ass kicked on the reg? Like I’m gonna sit back and let that happen?” 

“You’re often the one ‘kicking my ass’ Octavio.” He smiled. “But I cannot help myself, I want you to touch me.” Then Tae Joon felt a thumb in his lower lip, and an index finger curled under his chin. The thumb peeled his mouth open.

“Can I-“

“Yes.”

His lips were a little chapped, a little rough, a little slippery and puffy and hot and perfect. Octavio took him over entirely at that point, rocking forward on the bulge he’d been too polite to point out. He pinned Tae Joon’s arms to their place covering his eyes. And he kissed him. By god he kissed him. Tae Joon answered back in his own meager way, and resorted to short eager moans when he just felt he wanted to give more but just couldn’t. Octavio’s teeth held his bottom lip hostage for a few moments and he bucked up in protest- not great, considering rubbing against Octavio like that made him even crazier.

“Octavio, <<I want you>>” he moaned up to wherever his partner may be, swiftly though he caught his faux pas, “I mean- I mean I want y-you.” He liked how it sounded in his native language better but… he’d translate for Octavio. 

“Woah, on the first date and everything?” Tav’s lips here hovering above his, he held that warm breath ghosting over him. He’d been well behaved. 

“A date...” Every second of every day for two years. Letting his guard down occasionally was one thing. But this..? 

“Oh… oh no no nonono” Octavio’s hands cupped Tae Joon’s jaw, softly begging, “No no I didn’t mean to say… I fucked it up.” He sounded so defeated. So disappointed. 

“Tav.  _ Octavio _ ” Tae Joon squeezed his eyes closed, and felt blindly for the runner. He brushed his fingers over the backs of those suddenly-shaking hands. “You didn’t.” He tried to kiss the man above him, it must have looked so silly when he met air. “It’s not. A date. I can’t date. I have my reasons for competing.” 

“Do you even like me?” 

“More than I ever should have allowed.”

“So we def should not be doing this?” 

“No.”

Octavio’s fate was sealed with that little answer. He collapsed down onto Tae Joon’s mouth, onto his heaving chest, onto his incessant hips- again and again and again. Tae Joon was extraordinarily aware of his cruelly tight jeans, and - wow, so was Octavio. It brought this heart fluttering though, each time he could feel Octavio’s needy little riding motions. 

“Hyeon can you keep a secret?” 

He tried not to laugh, “Yes Octavio.” 

“Okay. You can open your eyes then.” 

Oh. That sort of secret.  _ Oh… _


End file.
